The Shining

"And we all shine on/ Like the moon and the stars and the sun." - "Instant Karma" by John Lennon

I watched my all-time favorite horror movie yesterday, "The Shining", and scared myself a little with a surprising realization. Jack Torrence, played by the super scary and super talented Jack Nicholson, was a teacher turned writer that just wanted some peace and quiet so he could work on his latest writing project. He also had an addictive personality and a bit of a temper... That sounded a little too familiar to me and for a brief second, I imagined myself turning into this:

I thought I would give myself nightmares. My family has stated that they will not ever be staying in a secluded hotel with me for an extended period of time. If they did, they might end up looking like poor Shelley Duvall when Jack yells out, "Heeerrre's Johnny!" as he chops through the door with an axe.

So, I have come to a few conclusions. I should not become an alcoholic. Nothing good could come from that, although I may be able to pass out and get a decent night's sleep. Next, all work and no play makes Shannon a dull girl, so I should try to relax every once in a while. And last but not least, I will never, under any circumstances, go snooping around room 237 of a hotel, even if I have severe writer's block and a little kid on a Big Wheel comes out of the room traumatized. There's just no coming back from that. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch "The Shining". It's Stephen King's writing, Stanley Kubrick's directing, and Jack Nicholson's acting at it's best.

Someone to Understand

"When all you ever really wanted was for someone to understand." - "Film Noir" by The Gaslight Anthem

A couple of days ago I had a moment at work that reminded me why I do what it is I do. Being a nanny and a teacher is rarely easy, and it's way messier than it is pretty, but then there are times like this when it's so worth it.

The oldest child I take care of is almost seven, and basically a mini-me as far as personality and eccentricities go. I was a very overly emotional child (and still an overly emotional adult in some respects), cried at the drop of a hat, and never thought I was fully understood by anyone. This child is the same way. If someone so much as looks at her funny, she'll burst into tears, become hysterical, and not be able to stop. Enter Shannon, or GoGo as they call me (different story for a different post). I have been working with her on this issue for months, trying to give her the tools to calm herself down and be in control of her own emotions, and she is doing so much better now. Well, the other morning on the way to school, she told me that I was her "Go-To Girl" because I am the only one that understands her and can help her with her problems. I was so touched that I almost cried in the middle of the freeway during morning rushhour traffic(see what I mean about being emotional?). The smile on her face was so peaceful, not a look that she wears very often, and I realized what a difference I have made in her life. Maybe that's why I became her nanny, which happened in a very coincidental way (next post).

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that little story with the world. That way the next time I have one of those days that is full of stopped up toilets, temper tantrums, spilled milk (someone will cry over it, for sure), and time-outs, I can remember why I do the job I do, and am happy to do it.

Tuesday's Top Ten - Favorite Words

"I sat down and wrote/ The best words I could write/ Turn, turn, turn again." - "Percy's Song" by Bob Dylan

Since I am a writer (or aspiring to be one), I thought I would devote this week's list to my favorite words. It's hard to pick just ten since my head is always swimming with words, but here goes nothing.

1. Enchanting - It's such a magical, dreamy word. Just makes me smile.

2. Peace - What we should all strive to create in our world.

3. Christmas - The best, happiest, most joyous day of the year.

4. Love - Goes right along with peace.

5. Perfect - An idea that is pretty much impossible, but one I still can't get past. There's a reason I made Willow a perfectionist in the Willow Ryan series.

6. Mustang - Wait a minute. This one doesn't fit in, does it? Oh well, my list, my words. The image of a Mustang, the sound of one, even the mention of the name, makes me happy. Especially when I have spent the majority of the day driving kids around in a minivan and I get behind the wheel of my Mustang. Woohoo! It's been my favorite car since I was six years old and it always will be.

7. Nonconformist - Going against the grain, standing out, not caring what the masses think. Gotta love it! I am proud to bestow this label upon myself, and I hate labels.

8. Inspire - To inspire somebody with something you said or did, or to be inspired by someone else is truly wonderful. I am always looking for inspiration in this world.

9. Win - I am the most competitive person around, so it's no wonder I like this word so much.

10. Congratulations - Only good news follows this word, right? The last time I saw this was a company congratulating me on a new credit card. The next thought that flashed through my mind was my credit score plummeting. I think I need a raise...

What I'm Looking For

"And I still haven't found what I'm looking for." - U2

Those of you who have been reading my blog since its start last year are familiar with my struggle to break into the writing business, but for any new readers out there, let me fill you in. I finished my first novel, Secrets, about two years ago and have been trying (off and on) to get a literary agent and move toward publication ever since. I'm still trying. I won't quit because I know this is what I am meant to do - I can feel it in my soul. In between my work as a nanny and homeschool teacher, real life, and trying to get an agent, I have written three more books in the "Willow Ryan" series and am ready to start a new unrelated novel whenever I work up the motivation to turn my pages and pages of notes into something worthy of being on the shelves of Barnes & Noble.

Caught up? Good. Today I decided to try something different to get my book noticed and maybe, just maybe, break into the literary world with a bang (or even just a knock on the door that is met with an answer). I have been toying with the idea of entering a contest sponsored by the UK magazine for women writers, Mslexia, for several weeks now, and I finally took the plunge. For only 25 British pounds (about $40), I submitted the first 5,000 words of my novel with fingers crossed, a prayer floating up to Heaven, and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's so hard to just put your work out there like that and it makes me a little nervous. As for the prayer, I didn't ask God to let me win the contest. That just wouldn't be the right. What I prayed for is to get something out of this experience, even if it's just that I learn that taking a chance on something might not be so bad, because at least I'm doing something other that what I've been doing - querying agents, getting depressed, rewriting, getting depressed, obsessing over unimportant details... and did I say getting depressed? The only thing that's saved my sanity for the last couple of years is my ability to write. Ironic isn't it? So, it's time for me to try something different. Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This is me trying my hardest not to be insane. I have said before that my life has been spent toeing the line between genius and insanity, and I would like to avoid falling into the deep end of the crazy pool if at all possible.

So what is it that I am looking for with this contest? Winning hasn't even entered my mind as a possibility (totally glass half empty here), but I am really hoping to be shortlisted. If that happens, I would probably pass out from the shock, and then as soon as I came to, send out my full manuscript. That would be such an honor and would give a (relatively) new writer a huge sense of valedation, which we can all use every now and then. Maybe my novel will even be noticed by someone in the business. That would be amazing! I believe in my writing, even with all of the negativity that constantly pollutes my brain, so I should in turn believe that I have a shot at standing out in the Mslexia contest, right? I hope so.

Picture Day

"Look at this photograph/ Every time I do it makes me laugh." - "Photograph" by Nickelback

This is my school picture from second grade. My cousin did my hair, which I thought was just about the coolest style a kid could have, and what can I say about the totally rad kitty cat sweatshirt I was wearing (with a matching purple scrunchee!)? It was 1989 and I thought I was so awesome. So what I want to know is, when did I go from being a total ham in front of the camera to running away and hiding whenever I hear someone yell, "Say cheese"? Maybe it's just part of growing up and getting older. The world may never know.

What made me think of this photo in particular is that today is picture day for the girls I nanny for. They were so excited when I dropped them off at school this morning, that it took me back to when I too loved school pictures and would smile big for the camera, showing off my missing and crooked teeth for all the world to see. Thank goodness for braces!

School pictures are a funny thing. This one was actually a reshoot because I was not only blinking in the original, but I think I was starting to sneeze too. It was horrible! Doesn't everyone have at least one picture like that? I didn't like any of my high school yearbook photos at all, but looking back at the early elementary years is a lot of fun. I laugh at the clothes and the hair, remember old friends and teachers, and most surprisingly of all, remember how truly excited I was to be in the spotlight, even if it was just for a second in the school cafeteria.