The Right Words Never Come

"Take another shot of courage/ Wonder why the right words never come/ You just get numb/ It's another tequila sunrise/ This old world still looks the same/ Another frame." - "Tequila Sunrise" by The Eagles

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about sending off a partial manuscript to Andrea Cirillo, an agent from the Jane Rotrosen Agency who had requested the first three chapters of my novel Secrets. I was very excited but at the same time realistic about my chances, and this is why. Today I got my SASE back, and as I stared momentarily at my own neat, tiny writing on the outside of the envelope that had traveled to New York and back, I knew. The rejection was brief and polite, and she said some encouraging words which are definitely appreciated, but at that moment nothing mattered other than the fact that it was a rejection. They all look the same after you realize that it's a no.

In the literary world, writers aren't supposed to take rejections personally, because after all, this is a business. But to me, this is just about as personal as you can get. How can I remain unattached to my work, unfeeling toward the 98,000 words I wrote straight from the heart? The answer is, I can't. I have spent the last two years pouring my heart and soul out into that book, and to me, it is painful to see those "thanks but no thanks" words typed across a piece of letterhead.

I realize that the opinons of literary agents shouldn't effect me like they do, and on a professional and logical level I understand the business side of writing. But on an emotional level, it hurts when the right words never come. The words that say my writing is good enough, that it means something and is worthy of being published. That being said, I am not giving up. I have invested way too much time, hope, and tears to walk away from something that means so much to me. I will keep trying, and I have to believe that eventually I will succeed. That's what gives me "another shot of courage" to send out more letters and work like crazy to make my dreams come true. Here's to hoping for better luck next time...