Teach Them Well

"I believe the children are our future/ Teach them well and let them lead the way." - "The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston

One of the most important traits I have tried to instill in the girls I nanny for is empathy. This has never been a problem for the five year old, but the seven year old is still a little too egocentric for her own good, and I finally made a breakthrough with her a couple of days ago. She was complaining that she was bored, and after hearing her whine for the tenth time or so, I decided that a little life lesson was in order. So I sat down with her and told her exactly what bored is, and it went a little something like this:

"Bored is not having anyone to play with - ever. Bored is not having an adult in your life that devotes their own life to teaching, entertaining, and taking care of you because they love you so much. Bored is not being allowed to go to school. Bored is not being able to play outside and run around with the freedom that children should have. Bored is basically being left to entertain yourself, look after yourself, and survive all on your own. You are not bored. You have everything you could possibly want. You are very loved and you are very lucky."

After my lecture, this normally talkative child stared up at me and was speechless for a moment. Then she started asking questions, but not in her normal smarty-pants kind of way. These questions were thoughtful, careful, and heartfelt. She asked why a child would not be allowed to go school, or play outside, or run around and have fun. She asked why a child wouldn't have a grown up to pay so much attention to them, like how she has both of her parents and me - three people who love her to pieces and will do anything to make sure she has the best life possible. She asked why a child would be alone so much and why a parent would treat them like that. Honestly, I didn't have answers for all of her questions, but I have known children like this, and I think it was time for this extremely privledged child to have a reality check. We talked about the children I have known that lived this kind of life, and she felt so bad for them. She tried to think of solutions to make sure this never happens to another child, the kind of innocent ideas that come from the mind of a child who thinks that telling a caring adult can solve all the problems of the world. Because this is the world she comes from. And now she knows how lucky she is. And you know what? She hasn't said that she is bored since we had that conversation.

Those of us who raise children - the parents, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the nannies, the teachers - we don't always know what to do or what to say, but I think I got this one right. To see a child who normally thinks of herself way before she thinks of others, who thinks the worst thing that could ever happen would be if someone called her a name, who's only real worry in life is deciding what to eat for snack or which toy to play with next, suddenly evolve into a person who is so overwhelmed with empathy it brings tears to her eyes, was a very special moment. And we're both better people for having experienced it.