Gym Moms

"I can bitch, I can bitch/ 'Cause I'm better than you/ It's the way that I move/ The things that I do." - "The Bitch is Back" by Elton John

Have you seen the Lifetime show "Dance Moms"? It is disturbing, maddening, and totally, 100% addictive. Instead of focusing entirely on the high-pressure performing world that these children are thrown into (like on TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras"), the Lifetime hit focuses on the bickering, one-upping, sometimes manipulative mothers of the future "So You Think You Can Dance" powerhouses. Wow, it's obviously clear that I watch way too much TV!

Anyway, I have come across mothers like the Dance Moms at the gym where the girls I nanny for do gymnastics. They are the Gym Moms! Yesterday I was appalled by three things I heard.

1. "Good thing we are nothing like those dance moms on TV!" Oh really? I have routinely heard these women commenting negatively on the skills of some of the children, bad mouthing the other parents, and having dozens of self-centered conversations each afternoon. Sounds a lot like a certain TV show that they can't seem to realize mirrors their lives to a tee. Hmm...

2. "I just bought this shirt yesterday at Target. That store is as good as it gets." The others all agreed enthusiastically. I guess these women have never heard of Neiman Marcus or Bloomingdales.

3. "The nanny was supposed to take Ava to the dentist yesterday, but she called in sick. Can you believe she would get the stomach flu like that? It messed up my whole day." It took all of the self-control I had not to turn around and give these women a piece of my mind. If I hadn't had the seven-year-old sitting next to me, I'm sure I would have told them a little something like this: "Between throwing up and feeling like she was going to die at any second, your nanny, who probably caught the stomach flu from taking care of your kids by the way, was probably doing a little happy dance thinking about how much she messed up your day, because after all, the world does revolve around you." It was probably a good thing I had to keep my mouth shut, huh?

And those three conversations were not unusual in the slightest. Move over Dance Moms, the Gym Moms could make you hide under your chairs and cry. Can you still cry if you've had massive amounts of Botox? I'll have to do some research on that one.