Tuesday's Top Ten - Parental Catchphrases

"Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright/ They just seem a little weird." -"Surrender" by Cheap Trick

Remember those things your parents would say when you were a kid that just seemed so stupid at the time and mostly went in one ear and out the other? Have you ever caught yourself repeating them to your own children? I know I am not a mom, but as a nanny, I have listened to myself in horror as my mother's words escape my mouth on a regular basis. Here are my top ten catchphrases that I heard as a child, many of which I have used, confirming my suspicions that I'm turning into my mother.

1. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." - I say this at least once a week at work, sometimes several times a day. I used to hear this one all the time (I kind of had a big mouth...and a smart mouth) and of course it never registered for more than a few seconds. Still, I have hope that the girls I take care of will take these words to heart in a way that I never did. It really is good advice. Just this morning I told the seven-year-old this very phrase, followed by, "And calling your sister a Poo Bottom is definitely not nice!" Sigh...

2. "Don't talk with food in your mouth." - Why is this one so hard to remember? You'd think that when the kid has food spilling out of his/her mouth as they tell you some pointless story that goes on forever, they would correct the problem, but no. As a child I had good manners, I just chose not to use them a lot of the time. Sorry, Mom!

3. "Be nice to your sister." - But why? She was super annoying and always started it! Funny how little sisters are still doing that today... I don't know why it's impossible for siblings to just play nicely 100% of the time, but it is. And even though these five words hold practically no meaning whatsoever to a child, especially a kid who is mad and trying to shove her sibling out of her bedroom, I still find the words flowing from my mouth with the hope that just this once they will sink in. Maybe, just maybe, the child will slap herself on her forehead and say, "Duh! I should just be nice. I'm so sorry for being mean and I'll never do it again." Ha!

4. "Your face is going to freeze like that." - My dad used to tell my sister and me this all the time when we made faces at each other. I remember rolling my eyes at him, knowing that there was no way my tongue would be permanently sticking out of my mouth while my eyes remained crossed and stretched, my fingers pulling them as far to the sides of my head as they would go, but he just kept saying it...for years. This is one I don't say now because it just sounds so ridiculous, but the girls tell each other this, then discuss at length how cool it would be if they could freeze each other's faces whenever they wanted. Oh, to be a kid again (written with a huge amount of sarcasm!)

5. "Just pretend you're asleep." - Now this one might have just been at my house. I tended to be somewhat of an insomniac, even as a baby and small child, and I don't even know how many times my mom told me this when I was whining loudly that I couldn't sleep. I have said this one a time or two when the girls don't want to go to bed. It works just as well now as it did back then. Yep, they don't find pretending to be asleep all that great either.

6. "Keep your hands to yourself." - Man, parents just try to suck the fun out of life, don't they? I will admit that I use this one all the time. Last week I told the five-year-old this as she was reaching across the car toward her sister on the way home from school. Her response? "If I keep my hands to myself, how can I pinch her?" Oh, the honesty of a child. But really, is there any other short phrase that encourages children to respect other people's personal space in a more effective way? I think not.

7. "I'm going to count to three." Why do we say this?! Who cares if we know how to count to three? The kids don't. I know that I always waited until my mom got to two-and-a-half (I was spoiled, I admit it) before I stopped misbehaving, and now I'm on the other end of that threat. I will always follow through with a time-out or some similar form of discipline if I do reach three and nothing has changed so this is pretty effective, but c'mon. Counting to three is a stupid threat, especially when you hear a parent say it in public. Sometimes I want to count along like I'm singing the end of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame", just to see what they'll do. "For it's one, two, three strikes you're out of the old ball game!" That could be pretty funny!

8. "Just try one bite. You might like it." - No, I won't. I am the world's pickiest eater, and if I try something new, there is a better chance I will lose my lunch all over the table than find a new food I want to add to my plate. Still, I tell the girls the same thing. The thing with them is that they almost always end up liking the food in question! Then they realize that I am right and everything is peachy keen jelly bean. Whenever I was told this, I proved my parents wrong. So I guess I was right then too (and a little too concerned with being right all the time)!

9. "When I was a kid..." - Just finish that sentence on your own. I got this one a lot from my dad. Especially in regards to watching TV. "When I was a kid, we watched whatever Grandpa wanted to watch. I never got to pick the shows." Whatever! Unless it's a funny story about how life was in the olden days when dinosaurs roamed the earth (like my childhood in the 1980s, a whole other millennium), young children couldn't care less how bad you had it when you were a kid. But still, adults can't resist using examples from their childhood to try to educate the younger generation on how easy they have it. I only do this to illustrate a point about how much things have changed in the last 20 years as kind of a history lesson, and to show them that their life isn't so totally unfair and horrible. What? That's what my parents thought they were doing too? Bummer.

10. "You can do anything you set your mind to." - This one is 100%, totally and completely accurate, and I tell the girls this as often as possible. Of all the things parents can tell their children, this one ranks right up there with I love you. It instills confidence, self-esteem, and the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you know someone believes in you. I follow this one with, "...because you are strong, hardworking, and very, very smart." I hope they are listening when I tell them this, even if they ignore every other word I ever say.