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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The X Factor

"May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung/ May you stay forever young." - Bob Dylan

I am watching The X Factor right now and was totally blown away by Josh Krajcik's rendition of "Forever Young", one of my all time favorite Bob Dylan songs. I even used the lyrics above as my senior quote in high school.

What is really getting on my nerves though is the host, Steve Jones. The dude won't stop interrupting Paula Abdul and won't let anyone complete a sentence! I realize that they may be pressed for time, but Ryan Seacrest And Cat Deeley are never that rude or obnoxious. Steve should take lessons from them. Ooh, commercial's over. Good night, and check back tomorrow for what I hope will turn out to be a hilarious post!

Tuesday's Top Ten - Halloween Part 2

"Six more days to Halloween, Halloween, Halloween/ Six more days to Halloween/ Silver shamrock!" - Jingle from "Halloween III: Season of the Witch"

Have any of you out there seen "Halloween III", the third movie in the "Halloween" series that has nothing to do with Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, or Dr. Loomis? If you haven't, don't bother. The only thing worth remembering about this movie is the annoyingly fun jingle that appeared on commericals throughout the movie.

With Halloween being only six days away now, I am doing a follow-up to my list from a couple of weeks ago and listing my favorite Halloween TV specials, made-for-TV movies, and TV episodes. So grab a popcorn ball, a handful of candy corn, and a cup of apple cider and relive some of these small screen classics with me.

1. It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown - No Halloween special will ever top this one. Good old Snoopy fights the Red Baron as a WWI Flying Ace, Sally joins her sweet baboo, Linus, in his quest to get toys from the Great Pumpkin, and Charlie Brown has trouble with scissors, cutting dozens of eye holes in his ghost costume (hey, some of us still have a little trouble with those darn scissors...). It's a little piece of everyone's childhood since 1966 that is as feel-good as they come. Especially at the end when Lucy, shedding her smarty-pants, know-it-all image for a minute, goes out at four in the morning to retrieve her sleeping, shivering little brother from the pumpkin patch, which evidently, was not quite sincere enough for the Great Pumpkin.

2. Freaks and Geeks: Tricks and Treats - Easily the funniest episode of this great series that didn't last nearly long enough. There's a reason it has risen to cult classic status. I just love geeky Bill's Bionic Woman costume (my family quotes him all the time from this episode) and when Lindsay, the girl caught between her geekdom past and her freaky new friends (more burnouts than freaks, but that's beside the point), kicks a jack-o-lantern and gets her foot caught in the pumpkin as she tries to make a run for it. If you haven't seen this show, do yourself a favor and check it out. You just may find a new favorite!

3. That '70s Show: Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die - This episode is totally brilliant! Paying homage to Alfred Hitchcock, the king of suspense, the gang from Point Place, WI fill the half hour with parodies of "Psycho", "The Birds", "Vertigo", "Rear Window", and "North by Northwest". I especially enjoyed "The Birds" homage, with Laurie getting pooped on by a bird and being terrorized off and on throughout the show. She was evil and deserved it. So there. Oh yeah, and the scariest part was Fez dressing up like Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Yikes!

4. Roseanne: Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down - If you are a fan of this show, you know how much Roseanne loved Halloween, and this is my favorite of her annual spooky episodes. I love how she becomes paranoid, thinking her "needle butt" (another episode...) neighbor, Kathy, is out to get her back after she pulled a prank on her. Plus, DJ is dressed as a killer Alfalfa. Fantastic!

5. Home Improvement: The Haunting of Taylor House - Brad dressed like Raggedy Andy, Jill dressed like a giant carrot, and Tim scaring everyone, including Shawn from Boy Meets World in a cameo appearance, with his "Catacombs of Terror". A very hilarious episode that is - brace yourself - 19 years old. Wow.

6. Friends: The One With the Halloween Party - I love Friends! And what's better than when all the friends get together for a party at Monica's? I realize that she might not be the most fun-loving character in the bunch, but she's my favorite. In this episode, we have a showdown between Catwoman (Monica) and Supergirl (Phoebe), Joey dressed as Chandler, Ross dressed as a satellite/potato (Spud-nik), and Chandler dressed as a giant bunny. Hey, maybe he should have gotten together with Jill from Home Improvement. Plus, Phoebe's twin Ursula shows up and she is engaged to Sean Penn! The best moment though, is when Gunther arrives at the party dressed as Charlie Brown. Perfection!

7. 8 Simple Rules: Trick or Treehouse - This episode from season one is just good family fun. The girls are too old to want to participate in Paul's Halloween traditions, and Rory is more interested in toilet papering the neighborhood than having a family camp out in the backyard treehouse. Of course everything ends up perfect at the end of the night since this is a sitcom, and it's a nice show to look back on since less than a year after this aired, the world lost John Ritter, the patriarch of the Hennessey household and a very talented comedian.

8. The Worst Witch - This is a children's made-for-TV movie from 1986, starring Tim Curry, Charlotte Rae, and 12-year-old Fairuza Balk that my sister and I watched over and over again as children. There is something entertaining and endearing about young Mildred, a witch-in-training who has nothing but trouble with every spell she tries to cast.

9. Everybody Loves Raymond: Halloween Candy - Frank is left at Ray's home to pass out candy to trick-or-treaters and runs out. He looks through the kitchen and thinks that he has discovered some chocolate coins. Wait Frank, not so fast! Uh oh, too late. When Ray and Debra come home, they find out that Frank had actually passed out condoms to all of the neighborhood children. As if Debra's life wasn't hard enough before Halloween! A very funny episode!

10. Modern Family: Halloween - I love everything about this show, and this episode is so good it's worth watching again every October. Gloria speaks in a weird English accent, Mitchell is stuck at work in a Spiderman costume, and Phil becomes paranoid that Claire is leaving him. Really, Phil, who else would be patient enough to put up with you? And then there's Cameron, traumatized by his childhood "accident" in front of the whole town, who is pretty much the highlight of every episode. Funny, in an episode centered around a children's holiday, I don't really remember the kids' roles in this episode at all...

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Help

"Help, I need somebody/ Help, not just anybody/ You know I need someone/ Help!" - "Help" by The Beatles


This is one of the best books I have ever read in my life. Seriously, maybe the very best. In case you aren't familiar with this debut novel by Kathryn Stockett, a literary genius in my book (pun intended!), let me fill you in. The Help is set in Jackson, MS in the early 1960s and revolves around the black maids who work for spoiled, often ignorant and racist white women, and Skeeter, a white aspiring journalist who ends up working with the help to write a book exposing their lives for everything they are: touching and maddening, heartwarming and heartbreaking, and most of the time, so full of prejudice it's hard to believe that this was everyday reality just fifty years ago. You have to read this book. Now. It's that important.

Kathryn Stockett's writing style is familiar yet polished, and she manages to capture the personalities of each character so perfectly, I could hear their voices in my head and see their expressions as I was reading, and that's not just because I saw the movie first, which also comes highly recommended by me. I couldn't put this book down and couldn't stop thinking about it when I was forced to close the cover and say, go to work.

Ah, work. In that part of my life, I kind of relate to the women in The Help. Now, I'm not saying that I am oppressed or discriminated against, far from it. Most of the time, I feel like I am part of the family that I work for. But then there are other moments, many of which I have experienced this week, when I realize that I am just "the help". I am paid to take care of the children, run the occasional errand, and keep the house running and in order. I also do way more than is expected of me, but that's not the point. I have no rights to these children, even when I know and understand them better than anyone, I don't make the rules or have the final say in anything, even when I think I should, and I oftentimes feel underappreciated and overworked. Bottom line, I am an employee. I have no benefits whatsoever, am expected to work even when I'm sick (no benefits, remember), haven't gotten a raise in four years (probably hasn't even occurred to my bosses that I deserve one), and am beyond flexible with working late, coming in early, and working extra days just to make their life easier, but I don't get paid when I take off one day a year (my birthday). So why do I stay? For the same reason Aibileen stayed in The Help - because I love the kids (and I need that paycheck, as small as it may be). The girls need me. I have been here five-and-a-half years, even longer than the youngest child I take care of has been here, and these kids are a huge part of my life. If I wasn't here, who would help the oldest child get her extreme emotions under control so she doesn't feel like she is unable to stop crying, which she does at the drop of a hat? If I wasn't here, who would tell the youngest girl that it's okay to be a little wild, crazy, and rock and roll when you are surrounded by type-A classical music lovers who live and think inside the box? That's what it boils down to. The kids make everything worth it, even when I get my depressingly small paycheck tonight since I took my birthday off last week.

I have to admit, I cried when Aibileen, my favorite maid in The Help, talked about how one day she would have to leave Mae Mobley, the little girl she took care of and loved so deeply. That will be me one day. The girls will outgrow their need for me, and since I am just "the help", I will be let go. I try not to think about it, but it will happen eventually. But while I'm here, I will take my cue from Aibie and instill in the girls what they need to hear, what I have been saying to them all along (but with better grammar). "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Enough said.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Mixing up the Medicine

"Johnny's in the basement/ Mixing up the medicine/ I'm on the pavement/ Thinking about the government." - "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan

Just call me Johnny this week, because I've been surrounded by medicine for four days now. The five-year-old I take care of has pneumonia for the second time this year, and it's been a rough week. With a fever of over 105, horrendous coughing, and enough gross bodily stuff to even make a brown collar worker like me scrunch up her nose in disgust, the poor kid has been miserable and I have been spending every spare second I have sanitizing the heck out of her house in an attempt to keep everyone else healthy, especially her sister. So far, so good, although I am exhausted!

Being home with a sick child all week has given me flashbacks to when I used to stay home sick from elementary school. The catch was that I was rarely sick. I was Ferris Bueller before I even knew who he was! I was the queen of faking illnesses. My favorite lie was saying that my stomach hurt and I might throw up. That was a surefire ticket home from school, often just minutes after the bell rang. At six or seven years old, I never thought how difficult it would be for my mom to take off work or anything like that. I just smiled to myself, thinking about getting out of school and spending my day watching cartoons and game shows. And if I went to my aunt's house, a soap opera or two.

My favorite place to go when I was "sick" was my Aunt Shary's house. I'm sure she knew I was faking all along, but she never said anything. My cousin would be off at school and I would get to hang out with my aunt all day, which was so much fun! She always treated me like an adult, an equal, even though I was only six months older than her daughter. I loved that! We would talk and watch TV, she would tell me stories about growing up with my dad and my other aunts and uncle, I would have soup or a balogna sandwich for lunch, and then I would miraculously recover from the brink of death I had feigned at school a few hours before, just in time to go pick my cousin up from school and play with her all afternoon.

Looking back now, I have no regrets from playing hooky so much - and I did it quite a bit! I am still waiting for my Academy Award to come in the mail. My family lost my Aunt Shary five years ago, but I will always have those memories of hanging out with her instead of sitting in a desk at school, bored out of my mind and probably getting into trouble for talking too much. Maybe I didn't have any awesome adventures like Ferris, but I have a whole heartful of memories that are more important than anything I could have learned in school. Sometimes it's just better to break the rules.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

29

"Sixteen candles make a lovely light." - "Sixteen Candles" by The Platters

This may be true, but 29 candles can burn the house down. Yes, today I turned 29, and I will never turn a year older. The next number is too horrifying to think about, so I will just stop aging at 29. Sweet sixteen will not turn 31 and there is no way seventeen will turn 35. It's not happening, no way, no how.

I have lived two years longer than Jimi, Janis, Brian, Jim, Pigpen, Kurt, Amy, and a whole host of others, but I don't feel the need to keep counting. And this is coming from someone who is obsessed with numbers and counting. So I will just stay 29 and eventually get too senile to remember my real age.

So, with a fresh year beginning, I am hoping for three things: health, happiness, and a little bit of luck (okay, maybe a great big heaping ton of luck). Am I asking for too much? I am just really hoping that this year will bring something different, especially in my writing. Maybe this year will be when I get a break. Maybe I'll finally find the missing piece to the puzzle and discover what these agents are looking for, and then the publishers he/she submits to will fight over my book, declaring that it's the best thing they have read in years and years (hey, it's my birthday, so let me have this very unrealistic fantasy for a few more hours). Hopefully I won't get sick this year and spend a ton of money I don't have at the doctor since I also don't have insurance (sigh). And then there's happiness. I just hope that I'm not the captain of my burden, dragging myself down with realism and pessimism. Maybe I should have wished for a magic genie instead.

Anyway, happy birthday to me and anyone else born on this great day! I know this post is kind of sarcastic and full of my stubborn attitude, but it really has been a great birthday.

P.S. - If you didn't catch the three song references other than my song of the day, here they are - "Rock and Roll Never Forgets" by Bob Seger (Sweet sixteen's turned 31), "Cherry Bomb" by John Mellencamp (Seventeen has turned 35/ I'm surprised that we're still living), and "I Could'a Been a Contender" by The Gaslight Anthem (And of the few things I am certain/ I'm the captain of my burden). Just had to throw those in!